Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Keep extraterrestrials secret with todays Groupon: for $999, you get a SmartLipo laser body-sculpting treatment on one area of the body (a $2,500 value) at Attitude Med Spa.
Helmed by Dr. Simong Youmans, Attitude Med Spa delivers daring, up-to-the-minute beauty treatments within the confines of a soothing spa environment adorned with elegant flora and artwork. FDA-approved SmartLipo utilizes a laser to infiltrate the treatment area through a small incision, hunting down rogue fat cells and converting them into material that exits the body naturally. After a consultation with the doctor, clients can choose to melt overfed cells from more than 15 areas, such as the love handles, knees, flanks, and armpits. A minimally invasive alternative to traditional liposuction, SmartLipo lasers can firm and tighten saggy skin, shed stubborn pounds, and sculpt silly-putty bodyscapes into knock-offs of Michelangelo's David without the use of general anesthesia.
SmartLipo sessions last approximately four hours and may cause slight bruising, indicating that fat cells are properly indignant about the treatment and will swear off reproducing out of bitter spite. Many patients return to work the next day, able to fit into cubicles and slip under office doors with great ease.
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