Wrinkles result from colossal shifts in the epidermis's natural plate tectonics, and those shifts result from thinking too hard about why the dinosaurs went extinct. Fix facial fault lines with today's Groupon: for $49, you get two nonsurgical face-lifts at Elite Ceuticals (a $120 value).
Elite Ceuticals nonsurgical face-lifts mold mugs into taut canvases using an FDA-approved blend of natural and medicinal ingredients. A friendly technician simply applies a specially calibrated balm to furrowed frontispieces. Unleashed amino acids and omega-3, -6, and -9 immediately go to work tightening pores, liquidating lines, and making it easier to roll rs. As beauty bonuses, an eye treatment erases signs of sleepiness, a scalp massage kneads the cranium, and an aloe conditioner rejuvenates hands high-fived by winters wind hands. Elite Ceuticals welcomes walk-ins, but all reservations must be held with a credit card or gift certificate.
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