As nature's worst roommates, bodily toxins clutter up vital space, never pay rent, and never abide by the chore wheel that the liver painstakingly affixed to the gallbladder. Take out the trash with today's Groupon to Healing Waters. Choose from the following options:
Led by certified colon hydrotherapist Bernadine Tillman, the meticulous staff at Healing Waters helps evict toxins from clients' corporal kingdoms after complimentary consultations. During the hydrotherapy session, a pencil-sized tube sends purified water traversing through the belly's inner tubes for up to 40 minutes, carrying away toxins incurred from diet, the environment, and mistaking a plutonium rod for the olympic torch. A fan minimizes the chance that odors disturb clients as they recline and listen to soft music or meditate by candlelight.
The infrared sauna lulls muscles into a restorative trance, helping relieve pain and draw toxin-laden sweat from deep tissues. Temperatures between 100140 degrees can help the body increase circulation and burn up to 600 calories, quelling subdermal cellulite sit-ins without the need for a water cannon.
Escort toxins out through an underutilized exit point with a BioCleanse footbath, which uses the principals of osmosis and threatening ionic bouncers to try and correct bodily imbalances. The ions in the footbath put a headlock on body-borne toxins, attempting to drag them into the bath through the pores of the feet.
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