Carpets, like dogs, often hide under the dining-room table and let out audible whimpers when threatened with bath time. Make your carpets howl like the beasts they are with today's Groupon: for $60, you get three rooms of carpet cleaning from Heaven's Best Carpet Cleaning (a $120 value). This Groupon is valid only in Salem and Keizer and is good for up to 400 square feet.
Heaven's Best will cleanse chambers of blotches from baseboard to baseboard under the sure-handed care of unstoppable stain eliminators sent from the future to eliminate lurking dirt. Living humans with muddy mansions, fouled flats, or carpeted caves receive appointments scheduled for a specific time, leaving customers free to better spend their time observing plants to make sure they produce oxygen instead of voice-altering noble gases. Treatments start with a dry vacuuming to clear planes of loose debris before using a mild cleaning solution to release stains locked onto fibrous strands. The floor-flushing machinery then removes the liberated loam with a low-moisture method that allows carpets to dry in an hour. To boost confidence and cleanliness, each cleaning comes with a guarantee that any spots removed won't show their faces again or Heaven's Best will return to boot them.
Pet stains ($25+), gum ($5+), wax ($10/spot), red dye ($10/stain), and heavy soil ($10$20/room) are subject to additional fees. Prices are for residential customers only.
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