Because of roasts' long cooking time, many cooks time-travel in order to start them in the past, creating insoluble paradoxes when they accidentally cause their own grandfathers to win the Nixon Administration edition of Iron Chef. Get quick roasts without contradiction with today's Groupon: for $39, you get 5 pounds of chef-prepared, precooked pot roast with shipping from La Cense Beef (an $84.94 value).
Featured in the Wall Street Journal, La Cense Beef's grass-fed meats sport higher levels of nutrients and a smaller environmental impact than their grain-fed counterparts. Made from free-range Montana cattle, the lightly seasoned slow-cooked pot roast floods taste buds with hearty beefiness sporting less fat and fewer calories than conventional, grain-fed pot roast. La Cense's sustainable-ranching practices also eliminate the need for pesticides, antibiotics, and hormones, resulting in better health for the land and less drama among cattle herds. Hand-cut, vacuum-sealed, and immediately frozen at the time of processing, the tender bottom-round cut arrives at doorsteps perfectly preserved in dry ice and with complete preparation instructions provided. Since the roast arrives precooked, only an hour of cooking time and 15 minutes of cowboy poetry recitation is necessary to unveil its complex, savory flavor.
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