The silent march of time was once thought to be unavoidable, but scientific breakthroughs now allow people to moonwalk backward into youth. Traverse in the right direction with today's Groupon: for $99, you get an anti-aging hormone panel at Lab Test Floridas locations in Fort Lauderdale, Miami, and North Miami Beach (a $266 value).
The technicians at Lab Test Florida help men and women combat bodily aging by revealing their current hormonal status with a simple blood test. After drawing one vial of sanguine fluid from the arm, the trained tech labels the tube and sends it to the certified laboratory via sterile carrier pigeon. The anti-aging hormone panel looks specifically at levels of the sex hormone estradiol, follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), and luteinizing hormone (LH). Quantities of thyroid-stimulating hormone inform the lab if the thyroid is sleeping on the job, while progesterone levels may affect vitality. Patients may collect results in about one week and use this newly gleaned information to build a custom-tailored attack against the aging process or to dictate their Powerball numbers.
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