Advances in modern medicine have rendered folksy approaches to weight loss obsolete, much to the dismay of salesmen selling upside-down sleeping contraptions and broken scales. Shed pounds soundly with todays Groupon: for $99, you get an initial weight-loss assessment, a two-week weight-loss plan, and more at the Metabolic Medical Center in Bluffton (a $234 value).
The Metabolic Medical Center chaperones clients along the rewarding journey toward healthier lifestyles with safe and effective weight-loss treatments. The two-week plan begins with an initial visit to the affable Dr. John Parkers office, whereupon he conducts a thorough examination, making sure to inquire about patients family history of forgetting to eat an apple a day. Clients then undergo a body-fat analysis, a BMI test, blood work, an EKG, and additional body measurements as needed. Dr. Parker works with each patient to craft a customized weight-loss plan that incorporates a helpful program book, two meal-replacement supplements for each day of the two-week period, three optional vitamin B12 shots, a two-week supply of vitamins and minerals, and a briefing on the convoluted rules of flashlight tag.
A second appointment with a medical tech will take place a week after the first visit, and a third and final appointment a week after that. Three appointments ensure measured results over the duration of the two-week plan, with the analysis done during the initial doctors visit repeated upon final visitation for concrete evidence of weight and fat loss. Though the risks of a more svelte body include higher levels of energy, newfound confidence, and an increased chance of fitting into strangers carts at the supermarket, leading scientists agree that its totally worth it.
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