Humans maintain their bodies for the same reasons they maintain their houses: to keep the neighbors friendly and to disguise the fact that an alien lives inside them. Hide subdermal extraterrestrials with today's Groupon to Triba Clinic. Choose between the following options:
• For $499, you get four SmoothShapes cellulite-reducing treatments (a $1,000 value).
• For $999, you get eight SmoothShapes cellulite-reducing treatments (a $2,000 value).
The crack team of body sculptors at Triba Clinic banishes bumpy cellulite with the noninvasive laser-powered SmoothShapes system. Utilizing a process called photomology, the machine's diode laser pairs with LED energy to liquefy cell-bound fat, sending it into intercellular space to be disposed of by the body's cleaning systems captained by microscopic William Shatners. While the laser does its work, vacuum and massage components manipulate treated tissue, stimulating the lymphatic system to further flush fat out of the body. A full course of eight 20-minute treatments usually results in reduction of cellulite that may last up to six months, impressing friends with smooth skin for half a year or awing canines with 3.5 cellulite-free dog years.
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