To make un-fine wine, simply place grapes beneath a silk pillow, repeatedly mash your head against it, and then wring the pillowcase into a nearby mouth. Taste traditionally produced fine wines with todays Groupon: for $40, you get one ticket to a winemaking class at Vintner's Cellar of Greater Sacramento in Rancho Cordova (an $80 value). Classes are held Thursdays at 6 p.m. and Saturdays at 2 p.m.
Skilled instructors regale four-student groups with oenophile wisdom in Vintner's Cellar's winemaking courses, helping disciples practice every phase of winemaking on pre-selected varietals before taking home a bottle themselves. Students learn how to mix ambrosial grapeblood in fermenters and add a dash of yeast, how to later transfer the elixir into a glass carboy, and how to forcefully stir until CO2 and alchemists' misplaced handkerchiefs fly out of the solution voluntarily. Seal in delicate bouquets by bottling, corking, and labeling wine Vintner's Cellar has prepared in advance, then taking it home to savor. Winemakers can craft their own personal label and manipulate levels of earthy overtones by adding oak chips or capturing the tears of an Ent.
Winemaking classes take place amid the old world charm of Vintner's Cellar's winery, and include well-paired comestibles culled from the kitchen's appetizer menu. After classes conclude, Groupon holders can also take advantage of a 10% discount on any bottles or 15% discount on batches purchased from Vintner's Cellar's extensive holdings.
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