Before the advent of laser technology, eyes exercised themselves into 20/20 shape by rolling dismissively at reality TV and intently following the movements of overcaffeinated squirrels. Adjust your workout routine with todays Groupon: for $2,400, you get bilateral conventional LASIK surgery on both eyes at Woolfson Eye Institute (up to a $5,390 value).
Founder and medical director Dr. Jonathan Woolfson is a board certified ophthalmic surgeon who aids ocular orbs in seeing clearly by leveraging the experience gained from over 70,000 procedures (including procedures for a plethora of olympic and professional athletes, and over 300 for other eye doctors). Grouponers can schedule a complimentary one- to two-hour consultation to determine candidacy for surgery and the right type of laser platform to use for treatment, with those ineligible for LASIK receiving a full refund.
Lasting three to four hours, bilateral conventional LASIK can correct vision problems including nearsightedness, farsightedness, and astigmatism. Custom LASIK and bladeless LASIK are available for an additional $500 per eye. During surgery, an anesthetic drop numbs the eye, reducing pain while preventing it from reliving emotional trauma from its years as a copy editor for LOLCats Weekly. With an eyelid holder keeping skin flaps from roaming around, a state-of-the-art laser reshapes the cornea. The eyeball's protective flap is secured without sutures, allowing patients to leave the office with improved vision and fortune-telling ability. Afterwards, Woolfson Eye Institute's lifetime assurance plan offers eligible patients requiring fine tuning of their spotting spheres future tweaks free of charge.
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